Rediscover The Love I Once Had
Alternative Name : あなたの愛の追体験
Author: Söra Ishi
Read Now
_______________________
"Rediscover The Love I Once Had "
...I apologize deeply, despite our marriage." Amelie vividly remembers the moment when he expressed his regret in bed on their wedding night. Count Kurt, known for his striking appearance with smooth, honey-colored hair and captivating green eyes, was her chosen spouse.
Initially, Amelie had intended to marry another nobleman, but due to an epidemic, her prospective partner tragically passed away, and the planned union was abandoned. The subsequent marriage that came her way in the midst of her hardships turned out to be challenging.
"It has been a year since my late wife's passing, yet I still cannot forget her... She was unable to bear children, so she encouraged me to remarry in order to secure an heir... Just like you, who has also experienced loss, I apologize for uttering such hurtful words."
As Kurt bowed his head deeply, Amelie found herself at a loss. In truth, Amelie had no knowledge of who her deceased spouse was. She had neither received any distressing news nor heard any positive anecdotes. Planning to enter matrimony with no information apart from the fishing book, Kurt's sudden apology seemed unjustifiable to her. Furthermore, Kurt's admission of being unable to forget his late wife made Amelie think that he was even more remorseful for being compelled to remarry for the sake of an heir.
"Please, there's no need to apologize profusely. It's only natural that one's wounds won't heal within a year of losing a loved one, right? Besides, I'm grateful that you came to my aid when I was facing difficulties."
Initially, Amelie's family had already secured the ancestral estate, so it was unbearable for her to witness her marriage falling apart and be treated as a burden while remaining at her parents' home. Although she no longer possessed her family's house, it belonged to her brother and his wife. If she were to stay there indefinitely, it would burden them both. Therefore, it was advantageous for Amelie that her spouse could not forget his ex-wife.
"It doesn't matter if you don't feel the same way. We have a husband who can't let go of his deceased wife and a wife who lost her husband before marriage. Two years have passed since our marriage, and it is only natural that we ended up in a loveless marriage."
*****
"The couple continued their loveless marriage, which initially confused those around them. On occasions when the butler inquired about having a child, Kurt would dismissively reply, 'I'm tired.' Rather than completely ignoring the issue, they would attend social events together, further perplexing the people around them. Eventually, after two years of living this way, the servants stopped commenting on their situation. Amelie had worried about being subjected to gossip, but surprisingly, she gained sympathy from her maids instead.
"Perhaps if she had a child, she could divorce him," some speculated. "After all, the master still deeply loved his ex-wife," they added. Despite feeling abandoned, Amelie acknowledged that her husband had provided her with a place to stay when she had nowhere else to go. However, she began considering adopting a child through a third party.
As expected, the lack of progress in their relationship for two years instilled anxiety not only in Amelie but also in those around them. In her role as a wife, Amelie took it upon herself to find a suitable family among the aristocratic wives she met at evening parties, hoping to secure a future heir.
"Mistress! The master is in trouble!" someone shouted outside Amelie's room.
"Master's carriage was involved in a rockfall accident!" they exclaimed.
Suddenly, Amelie's perception of her husband shifted. Despite having viewed him as "poor" when they first married, she experienced an unexpected surge of concern. Amelie rushed to the carriage and accompanied Kurt to the hospital. Walking down a medicinal-scented corridor, she arrived at his room.
"Husband!"
To her surprise, instead of lying down, Kurt was sitting up in bed, gazing out the window. He had a bandage wrapped around his head, but otherwise appeared relatively healthy. When Kurt noticed Amelie's presence, he gave her a rare smile.
"Hey, I made you worry, Elna."
"Ehh...?" Amelie was taken aback by his words. Elna was the name of Kurt's deceased ex-wife.
The doctor spoke with Amelie privately. "His memory seems to be clouded."
"A clouded memory?"
"Yes. A strong blow to the head can sometimes cause memory loss. It appears that his memories of his ex-wife and current wife have been mixed up."
"Will it return to normal?"
"Typically, memory clouding that occurs immediately after a head injury doesn't last long. There's not much we can do."
"Really?"
"But you are his wife. Discuss it with him. You can go along with his story or explain his amnesia to him. Either way, it will be confusing for him, so please support him."
Upon hearing this, Amelie felt conflicted. "(I have taken the place of his late wife, but he has forgotten about me... There's no reason to reveal the truth... But I don't know anything about his late wife, either.)"
As a result, Amelie called for the head butler, informed him about Kurt's amnesia, and instructed the staff to treat her as his ex-wife, Elna. She thought this plan would work, but little did she know the trouble it would bring her.
＊＊＊＊
"Erna, I'm back home!"
"...Husband, you've returned early today."
"I wanted to see your face as soon as possible. These are the sweets I received at the inspection site today. If you don't mind, would you like to have them with me?"
Until now, their married life had lacked intimacy, except for formal evening gatherings. So when Kurt's demeanor softened, as if he had changed, Amelie felt perplexed. Their physical contact had been limited to arm-in-arm walks during evening parties, and whenever he hugged or kissed her, Amelie's cheeks would blush, although Kurt didn't seem to fully grasp the significance.
Moreover, he began entering her bedroom at night, despite them having separate rooms, leaving Amelie bewildered by this change. Seeking answers, she discreetly consulted the maid, who nodded emphatically.
"They were a genuinely affectionate couple. The deceased wife and husband..."
"Yes... If he realizes that I've taken his wife's place, won't it burden his mind and body?"
The maid fell silent, seemingly burdened herself, torn between complaining and disclosing information to Amelie. Amelie sighed.
"Should I start preparing my luggage then? If my husband's memories return to normal, I can't stay with him after causing him pain. I'll leave."
"But... Madam, where will you go?"
"I'll humbly seek assistance from my brother. He will find me employment."
From Amelie's perspective, she had been left homeless for over two years, and now she was finally fulfilling the role of a wife, allowing her to repay her brother's kindness. However, Kurt's love belonged to Elna. If he discovered that the person he thought was Elna was someone else, could he bear it?
(Everything he sends me now belongs to his deceased wife. I must not arrogantly claim things that are not mine.)
Amelie secretly pondered this. Despite the pain in her chest, she deceived herself, attributing it to the unfamiliarity of married life and convincing herself that she was in love with him. Despite that, Amelie found herself spending more and more time with Kurt than before.
"There's an excellent theater company performing. If you don't mind, would you like to go see it together?"
"...Is it alright for me to come along?"
"I enjoy your company."
They attended stage performances together and explored the lake. Each time people around them praised them, saying, "They make such a lovely couple," Amelie's smile concealed her inner turmoil. Her heart fluttered whenever Kurt placed his hand on her waist and escorted her. However, as time went on, Kurt began to confuse "Erna" and "Amelie" more frequently during work. Amelie finally realized the gravity of the situation.
(...No, it can't be. My husband is about to regain his memory.)
Kurt hugged her from behind, and she felt his warmth. She inhaled his scent, recognizing that she appreciated his body temperature and fragrance, even though his affections were not meant for her. One day, when Kurt left for an inspection, she confided in the maid.
"Please pack my bags. I must leave immediately."
"Madam... I believe you should reconsider."
"Why?"
"Madam... Master wouldn't treat his wife, who has lived with you for two years, so heartlessly, would he?"
Despite the maid's persuasion, Amelie could no longer endure it and began stuffing her closet contents into her bag.
I need to leave before he recovers his memory. I must depart before he remembers. She must go before he rejects her as "not Erna." Amelie understood that she could never return to the time when they simply coexisted.
She enjoyed their outings together. Being embraced by him made her happy. She loved being pursued by him. Having been in a loveless marriage for two years, she had hoped to eventually restore normalcy, but instead, she realized her own loneliness.
Despite him being the benefactor who provided her with a place to belong, she couldn't bring herself to impose on someone who still couldn't forget his ex-wife.
"UU..." Finally, tears welled up in Amelie's eyes. Tears seemed to flow involuntarily. As she closed her bag and tried to hold back her emotions, Amelie noticed that everything before her turned dark.
(....?)
Her head spun, and her vision became distorted and blurry. Almost losing her balance, she stumbled.
"Amelie!!"
Kurt, who was supposed to have gone out, rushed into her open room and embraced her. With a look of profound relief, he gently caressed her cheek.
"Husband..."
"Why do you have all this luggage? It's unfair for you to go on a trip alone."
"...I was contemplating leaving... but now, my identity..."
"...Forgive me, Amelie. I have become accustomed to your presence all this time."
＊＊＊＊
The Earl family had no heir, and Kurt's wife had passed away. Despite his grief, as soon as the mourning period ended, people urged him to find a new wife.
"I can't help but find it impolite to invite someone like that as a second wife."
"However, it seems the woman is also in a predicament. Her family estate has already been transferred from her father to her brother, so in essence, she has no place to call home."
"...Isn't this a form of abandonment?"
When noble daughters remain unmarried, they are treated as if they do not belong. Women who possess the will to work find employment as maids for great aristocrats or serve in the royal castle. However, women who have been raised to marry and become mistresses are unfamiliar with any other way of life.
Therefore, in unfortunate circumstances where most noble daughters are left behind, they are often forced into marriages as second wives, causing much heartache.
Although he had heard about evening parties, Kurt never expected such a story to reach him. He decided to keep her in his home for at least two years and find a new marriage. With this in mind, he attended the ceremony where he first met his prospective bride.
She had long, beautiful blond hair neatly braided, and the youthful sparkle in her eyes had not entirely faded. She was a girl who had been swept along by the circumstances of her family and surroundings, concealing her true self. While she lacked refinement, Kurt couldn't help but feel drawn to her.
However, as they lived together for two years, gradual changes began to occur.
"Good morning, husband."
"Good morning, Amelie."
Although there were no intimate moments at night, she started to grow closer to Kurt. Simply sitting together at the table or attending evening parties became enjoyable experiences for the two of them.
Kurt, deeply in love with Elna, believed their married life was blissful, and losing her had drained all color from his life for a whole year.
His marriage with Amelie wasn't glamorous or idyllic, but it was warm and comforting, like a ray of sunshine.
After two years, the girl with empty eyes had transformed into a refined lady.
However, tragedy struck. His territory was ravaged by a storm, and on his way back from inspecting the reconstruction, he was involved in a rockfall accident.
Thankfully, everyone in the carriage survived, but they had to stay at the hospital for a while to recover.
Amidst his thoughts about contacting home, Kurt gazed out the hospital room window. Suddenly, he heard hurried footsteps.
"Husband...!"
Kurt was startled to see his wife's tearful face running towards him, her eyes pitch black.
Until then, he had considered his feelings for her as mere affection. He had thought her feelings towards him were akin to those of a relative or a child she cared for.
For the first time, Kurt truly felt love for Amelie. He needed to reassure her immediately. Without thinking, he spoke.
"Hi, Elna."
Kurt finally realized the effects of his own condition. The doctor explained, "Due to memory clouding, the words get mixed up."
"Most likely, memories of your deceased wife and your current wife have become blurred."
Even if he tried to recall his memories, his experiences with Elna and Amelie were jumbled, making it impossible to distinguish between them.
"How can I recover?"
"It's a challenging situation. While memory loss can occur from head trauma, this level of clouding is rare. Only time and medication can aid in healing."
"I see... Then it's disrespectful to my wife."
"Your wife is also worried about you."
In the end, the doctor stated, "I can't determine when it will heal," and left them, leaving Kurt with no choice but to accept the situation.
Fortunately or unfortunately, once his injury healed, he was able to resume work since no memory clouding was present other than with his wife. He struggled with how to handle his wife, having been married to her for two years and unable to discern whether she was Elna or Amelie.
Eventually, he decided to repeat the gestures his parents had once shown him. While treating her like a child, he noticed a glimmer of surprise in his wife's eyes. Kurt found himself drawn to that flicker.
One night, he finally visited her bedroom. She appeared taken aback, but she didn't push him away.
Her fresh scent and soft skin were clearly different from Elna's. However, whenever Kurt attempted to address her by his endearing name, due to his cloudy memory, a different name slipped from his lips, tormenting him.
Let's cherish each other. Let's take care of each other. Let's be husband and wife this time.
The more he pondered, the more impatient he became, accidentally calling her by the wrong name. His first wife was Elna, and his second wife was Amelie. Which one made him feel sorrow?
The reason his wife gradually looked at him with sad eyes was likely because of these mix-ups. She believed he was looking at someone else, not her.
The doctor advised him, "Write down the names of your two wives in your diary every day to strengthen your memory."
Meanwhile, the butler offered some advice.
"...Is madam pregnant?"
"....Huh?"
Considering the commotion in her bedroom, it wouldn't be surprising if she were to become pregnant at any moment.
However, his wife was fragile, and if he mentioned her possible pregnancy, it could trigger a negative reaction.
"I want you to keep an eye on her."
His wife collapsed, likely due to the emotional instability caused by early pregnancy symptoms.
"Amelie!!"
Kurt hurried over to Amelie.
Amelie looked worn out.
"Husband..."
"Why are you packing all this luggage? It's unfair for you to go on a trip alone."
"... I was considering leaving... but now, with my name..."
"... I'm sorry, Amelie. I've become too reliant on you all this time."
The two of them conversed. It was a first for them, openly discussing their feelings for each other.
They were like two unfortunate souls bound together by the cracked pot's lid.
They had played the roles of a married couple for
a long time, but now things were different.
It took time, but they were finally able to communicate enough to agree on visiting Elna's grave.
Although they couldn't find joy in their misfortune, they were grateful to have met each other.
"The End"
Posts
0 Comments