Why do tears flow while you uttered, "I have no intention of loving you"?

 Why do tears flow while you uttered, "I have no intention of loving you"?

 

Author: Misa Ezaki

「君を愛することはないから」と言った貴方がどうして泣くの

Plot : "I have no intention of loving you," he informed me during our wedding evening. Regardless of my perspective, I seem to be the main character in this sad tale, so why do tears fall from your eyes? This concise narrative is straightforward to comprehend.

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 Why do tears flow while you uttered, "I have no intention of loving you"?

Celebrating the voices of numerous blessings.

Draped in an extravagant bridal gown.

The attractive man beside me wore a gentle smile.

The wedding ceremony proceeded flawlessly under the clear sky.

The commotion has subsided, and weariness overcomes me.

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The room's door swung open, and he made his entrance!

My heart raced, the rhythmic thumping echoing in my mind.

Footfalls drew near at a measured pace.

A bedside lamp cast light upon him, motionless before me.

Raising my gaze, his face was so pallid, post-bath disbelief ensued.

Is he alright? I ponder his well-being.

Just as my reaching hand nearly brushed him, it was abruptly swept away.

"Because I don't intend to love you..."

His eyes held no glimmer as he uttered the startling words.

──The marriage partner has been chosen.

It was six months ago when my father delivered that news to me.

My father had stumbled upon a marriage proposal involving the eldest son of an Earl's family in decline.

To a father who amassed wealth within a single generation, offspring were mere pawns for his ascension.

By marrying me off and extending financial support, he sought to curry favor with the Earl's family and solidify a connection within society.

Back then, the Earl's family was trapped in such destitution that relinquishing their estate and hereditary title seemed inevitable.

The marriage was thus determined by a ledger of gains and losses between parents, yet...

The young man who graced my doorstep for the initial meeting resembled a prince sprung from a tale, his beauty enchanting.

A solitary smile was enough to ensnare my heart in an instant.

Though of aristocratic lineage, he bore a humility and kindness that had grown since his childhood days.

No matter how frequent our encounters, his bashful grin consistently exuded a gentle and serene aura. Despite not having attended the royal Academy, his clever discourse showcased his intelligence brilliantly.

Without a doubt, he would fashion a joyful family.

That was my belief.

Nevertheless.

"Because I don't intend to love you..."

He uttered those words.

I alone harbored the belief that I could construct a contented family, while for him, it was merely a political union meant to safeguard his estate, status, and domain.

Are you implying that your gentle, reserved, and serene demeanor was merely a facade to secure our marriage?

Once wed, extricating oneself isn't as simple.

Hence, he conveyed this to me now.

The man who had just tied the knot and assumed the role of a husband, found his eyes brimming with tears.

A single droplet escaped, triggering a flood of weeping akin to a breached dam.

His display of sorrow appeared as if lifted from the midst of a tragic performance.

Hold on.

Yet here I stand, the tragic heroine who recently exchanged vows, proclaiming, "I don't intend to love you."

Why the tears?

I'm inclined to weep too.

I yearned to express this sentiment, but his tears seemed ceaseless.

Locked in a gaze, his resolute countenance met mine.

"...I never imagined the woman I wished to cherish would materialize before me."

Is it then that you can't love me because I happen to be the woman you've fallen in love with? Whether this marriage is purely political or there's another woman who has captured his affection, I won't be taken aback by whatever he confesses.

"That's the crux of it," he responded.

I replied with composure.

"Truly, you're an exceptional woman, making it a shame for me. After encountering you just once, a single tender smile from you... I thought I shouldn't let myself fall, but it's proven impossible!"

In stark contrast to my collected demeanor, he discusses me as though overwhelmed by a fever.

"When I was neglected by all, you lent an ear to me with a smile, making me feel like a captivating conversationalist. Your words from our initial meeting remain etched in my memory. I experienced one of the happiest moments I can recall."

("You genuinely care about me.")

I nip at my lip.

"…My father was blinded by wealth, hence marrying me off. In truth, it wouldn't be strange for him to despise me, yet you continue to wear that smile. You're such an extraordinary woman, and it's a squander on someone like me! Isn't that right?"

"Huh?"

"I'm alright. I won't develop feelings for you, so don't worry. While I may not have received extensive education, I wouldn't consider myself unintelligent. I must be prepared for the possibility of you ending things at any moment. I get it. If you wish to remain in the royal capital, I'll confine myself to my domain. And if you kindly decide to share your life with me out of pity, I'll keep our sleeping quarters separate. I'm a man too. I have fondness for you, and I don't feel comfortable sharing a bed with a woman."

With those words, his once beautiful countenance twisted once more, tears streaming down his face as he began to weep. Without delay, I clasped his hand.

"Please don't console me."

I tightened my grip to prevent him from pushing me away again.

"Even if you have no desire to love me, I yearn to be loved."

He gazed at me, his face marked with tear stains. The glimmer of hope resides within the eyes before me.

"Huh…!"

"Don't hold back. If you harbor affection for me, then love me."

Uttering those words, I embraced him, encircling my arms around his torso.

His heartbeat, resonating in my ears, outpaced and resonated louder than my own heartbeat.

Gradually, my body settled onto the bed with a gentle sound and a subtle echoing in my throat.

"Is it acceptable for me to love you?"

"May I also love you?"

Rather than offering an answer, he clung to me tightly on the bed.

Without a doubt, he will build a joyful family.

Such thoughts quietly escaped my lips as I bore his weight.

～The End～